the person you used to be

  • getaways from the world in mission viejo
  • skipping late night partying to get sick in bed with me in vegas
  • not caring about what anyone else thought or said.. everything you felt was proof enough
  • the guy that didn’t mind taking a gazillion pictures because i love and cherish every single one
  • the one that wrote me letters when i was away at school
  • the last person i talked to at night
  • the first person i talked to in the morning
  • the one that paid attention and knew where i worked and went to school
  • the one who loved me unconditionally and fought for me no matter what..

maybe its best we go our separate ways, because you’re no longer this person. people change and they grow up.  perhaps we grew apart and you’re not the you that i fell for.

goodbye.

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i die

everything hurts

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some days

some days you’re gonna feel as if you’ve lost everything and nothing makes sense anymore.  everything you see or hear reminds you of that certain someone.  it’s going to kill you inside very slowly.  remember that you’re going to have to find the strength to continue living your life.. just because he’s out of your life doesn’t mean that you have to stop living.  “one thing i’ve learned about life is that it goes on, whether you’re ready to or not.” remember that for every second you spend missing him and wondering if he’s missing you that you could be missing out on other wonderful things and wonderful people.  i know it’s really hard because i’m living it everyday as we speak.  i try to remember all those cliche sayings hoping that one day it’ll hit me and i’ll snap out of it.  cliche but true.  when one door closes another one opens.  i’m going to trust that things happen for a reason and this is truly the best thing that could happen for me.  i am stronger and more independent than i thought and maybe this had to happen so i can find something else better for me.  my life and blogs shouldn’t be just about love lost and love found.  i have so many other things to experience and go through.  this is just another phase of my life that i’m going to have to get through.

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out of sight, out of mind.

today is one of those days where i just want to sit here and listen to sad songs ALL day long.  it seems as if all the artists know exactly how i feel and are singing those songs to me.. i can relate to every line, every chorus. 

today’s playlist includes:

toni braxton – yesterday
babyface – what if
babyface – the loneliness
tamia – smile
leona lewis – better in time
monica – breaks my heart
high school musical – gotta go my own way
jon mclaughlin – so close
beyonce – listen

i guess it’s safe to say that all i want to know is if he’s missing me too, if he ever loved me or cared about me.  they say outta sight, outta mind.  well i’m trying really hard to apply that to my life.  hopefully it works soon because i’m kinda dying a little bit right now.

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Girls Night Out at Home

my girlfriend came over yesterday so we can talk about anything and everything.  she’s going through something with her exbf and i’m going through a similar situation with mine.  she brought up something that totally hit home for me.  so, her exbf wanted to get back with her because he was afraid of losing her.  he told her he still loves her a lot and that he didn’t want to lose her.  sometimes, when two people are together for such a long time, they get used to the comfort of having someone around.  she said, “getting back together because of fear isn’t going to last.  if he wants to get back with her, it has to be out of love, cause fear doesn’t last forever.”

that got me thinking a lot.  i wonder if my exbf ever thinks about me or misses me.  and if he does, what is it that he misses? our relationship and everything about me? or just the comfort of having someone to go to dinner and a movie with when all the guys are busy? i don’t know anymore.  these days i’m really confused about everything.  nothing makes sense anymore.  whatever the case is, i hope i figure it out soon.  i feel like a broken hot mess — still HOT, but a mess.

-j

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Dance until the world ends.

SO.  this is it.

if you don’t like your job, QUIT. — not really practical right now, i kinda like shopping, food and rent money.

Start doing things you love.  –already on it.  shopping as we speak.

TRAVEL OFTEN: getting lost will help you find yourself.  some opportunities only come once, seize them.  –no time like the present to find myself.

LIFE IS SHORT.  live your dream and share your passion. –living with no regrets..

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No one ever knows.

Everyone always wants to be there for you and tell you how you should handle your break up.  But unless they’re you, they’ll never know.  They say they understand what you’re going through and that they know what it’s like, but they don’t.  No one will ever really know what you’re going through — except you.  So, therefore.. figure out how to handle yourself; your break up.  Take into account what your girlfriends are telling you and put your own twist on things.  No one will ever know how to handle your break up besides yourself.  They say there are many different stages to getting over your significant other.. denial, depression, anger, acceptance.  But it’s entirely up to you which steps you want to take first.  I’ve done the drinking, the depression, the denial, and I’ve recently worked up to acceptance.  But I haven’t gotten angry yet, and I’m not sure how angry I can get.  I’ll let you know in a couple weeks but if you still love someone, you don’t necessarily need to hate them to move on.  It might be easier, but I’m sure it’s not healthy.  All I’m saying is that I’m taking this one day at a time, one shot at a time.  I’m writing about what is going to work out for ME.

-j

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